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"At church they told us we were Children of God, but I knew God's family was better than mine, that He had a daughter who was a cheerleader and a son who played football."

-Donald Miller in "Blue Like Jazz"

I really don't know how/when/why my resistance to God started or where it came from. I wasn't raised in church, never had any significant God conversations with my mother, or any real exposure to God or who He was, but I grew up with a disdain towards this "God" concept which at times boiled over into hatred. Fairly strong emotions for someone, who when asked, would tell you he didn't believe in God.

The concept of God the Father doesn't work for me...

My father left at a very early age, did nothing to support me or my sister as we grew up. I was raised by my mother and my grandmother. My father never visited, called, sent a card, telegram, smoke signal, etc.

The first time I did ever speak to him as a teenager, the first words out of his mouth were "Hello, son!" My temperature must have shot from a normal 98.6F to 212F degrees in mere seconds as I would swear I could feel my blood boiling. Needless to say, the conversation was short. It ended with me throwing a few not-so-idle-at-the-time threats in his direction if I were to ever see him followed soon after by me hanging up on him.

I've gone on to meet my father twice in my life. There won't be a third. In fact, I couldn't tell you where he was or even if he was alive at this point in time.

If God was anything like my father, then I wouldn't want anything to do with him either.

The first time I started "experimenting" with church, I went seeking friends more than I was a relationship with God. After all, people at church HAD to like you right?!? They were Christians! I was about 14 years old and the experiment failed. I no more fit in with those kids than Mahmoud Ahmadinejad would at an Amnesty International conference. The viewpoints were too different, and the reasons for being there were wrong.

Besides, these kids all had nice, "normal", complete families. They had mothers. They had fathers. They had better clothes and better shoes. They were decent. They had talents. They were, in short, everything I wasn't.

These were God's children. I wasn't.

It wasn't really until my own son was born that I truly wrapped my head around the concept of a "father". I held my son in the palm of my hand and cried. I've never felt a love quite like that before. I couldn't imagine ever doing anything to abandon him, hurt him, or leave him wanting for anything. I couldn't understand how any father could, but they do.

I was going to church at the time, but it took this gift and some very blatant messages from God for me to really understand Him, accept Him, and start to build a relationship with him.

The concept of God the Father really works for me...