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I'm going to take a brief break from the "Blue Like Jazz" inspired posts and write about something which has been weighing on me as of late... church and how we view it. Here's the average Sunday church experience for the average Christian:

Put on your Sunday best and head to the church, the building, with a group of other well-dressed and obedient protestants.

Walk past the "First Church of the Whatever" sign and glance and see what the pastor will be talking about today. Get excited to see we're going to have one of those entertaining/funny sermons. This week it's:

"(God) isn't a decision. It would be like trying to fall in love with somebody, or trying to convince yourself your favorite food is pancakes. You don't decide those things, they just happen to you. If God is real, He needs to happen to me."

-Donald Miller, "Blue Like Jazz"

There was a time before I was a Christian, a Christ-follower, in which I was a churchgoer. It was really hard to tell the difference, even for me. I was in church every Sunday. I went to Sunday school. I sang loudly. I prayed along vehemently. I got linked in with a men's bible study. I participated in outreach and social events. You could've called me Mr. Church!

Only one problem. I wasn't really sure I believed in God. I really wanted to, but I couldn't force myself to do it. Like Donald Miller said, you can no more make yourself believe in God than you can force yourself to be in love with someone you don't or enjoy a food you can't really stand.

Sure, you can fake it for awhile. You can make other people believe it. Hell, you might even be so good at pretending that you can convince yourself for awhile, but eventually the truth will come out. People will begin to recognize the emptiness in the words you speak and the actions you take. There's a lot of things in this world which can be masked and hidden for a long time, or that go unrecognizable, but love of anything is not one of those. True love and geunine feelings always show their true colors.

It wasn't that I was completely opposed to believing in God or even that I felt incapable of loving God. I just didn't know how to go about it and it certainly wasn't at the top of my priority list. I thought if I sang loud enough, prayed hard enough with the right words, and did enough good deeds in His name that he would simply be there and I wouldn't need to put much effort into it. The math seemed simple enough, but my calculations were incorrect.

Here were my two major mistakes:

1) Having a greater desire to be viewed as a Christian than my desire to be one. I was doing a lot of stupid things in my life at the time, so I figured I'd go to church. After all, church-going people didn't do stupid things, right? Church-goers were all forgiven by God for their wrongdoings, weren't they? This was going to be easy... I would go to church, and if there was a God I was as good as gold beacuse I made appearances and said and did the right things while I was there. Not only that, but people in the community would see that I went to church and would therefore know that I was, in fact, a good person! As my current pastor says, I was living like hell 6 days a week and trying to get right with God on Sundays.

2) Not speaking to God from my own heart. I'd go to church and reiterate in my head the prayers the pastor would speak from the pulpit. Doing this is much like following the bouncing ball in a Disney Sing-Along video. It's okay for a time, but if want to be recognized as a real singer... you eventually need to branch out and sing your own song. It took me a long time before I reached a comfort zone where I could pray my own words, thoughts, feelings, and concerns to God.

Eventually I reached a point where I was going to church not just to go through the motions, but I really wanted to obtain a personal relationship with God. I started praying to him through my heart instead of vicariously through the words of others. When I made those changes, God happened to me, and it has been an amazing ride ever since!

"The lady in front of me pulled out food stamps to pay for her groceries. I wished I could pay for her groceries myself. That afternoon, I realized it was not the woman who should be pitied, it was me. It was not that I wanted to buy her groceries; I wanted to buy her dignity. And yet, by judging her, I was the one taking her dignity away."

-Donald Miller, "Blue Like Jazz"

It never ceases to amaze me when I hear and see Christians take the opportunity to judge, insult, demean, and be hateful towards other people. I hate to use the word "hypocrite" when discussing matters of religion. It has become so blasé.

I also hate to use it... because it's true.

In reality, all Christians are hypocrites by definition (a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings). All Christians have a set system of beliefs of what is right and wrong based on biblical teachings, and we all (without exception) fail in adhering to those beliefs at different points in our lives.

At the same time, that's the basis of Christianity. Christ was sent here for us because we can't get it right, because we're going to screw up, and because we have a sinful nature. He died on the cross because we are hypocrites.

There are times where I hear Christians called "hypocrites" which causes me to hang my head and feel ashamed of how we are not living Jesus. Ashamed because these actions could easily be avoided. These are what I would call sins of behavior because they are avoidable and controllable. The type of behavior where we become ugly people doing ugly things in the most un-Christlike way possible.

Yesterday, a friend of mine who attends a different church posted a photo from his church's worship service to Facebook while the service was taking place. The person who posted this is a beacon for the Christian community in our city. He lives a good life, talks openly about his faith, and takes significant actions to reach the unchurched in our community and abroad.

I saw the picture and thought to myself "Wow, that looks like a really awesome service...". It shows the kind of worship a lot of people would be comfortable going to. It's bright, colorful, lively, and has a couple of teenagers in the front row who seem really engaged in what is going on.

Then the comments started.

My friend was blasted for posting this picture to his Facebook page while the service was going on. He was asked why he wasn't paying attention to the pastor's teachings, and that this was a "sad story".

I made a comment about how lots of people (including myself) from lots of churches tweet and facebook pictures and sermon excerpts during service even while paying attention. I talked briefly about e-vangelism (the use of technology to talk about God) and how effective it is to reach out to the unchurched.

This was the response I got:

"Are you kidding me! That is such a distraction for those who arent saved, those who are hurting, and kids who we tell not to do it that are trying to pay attention."

After that... a slew of people jumped in and the whole conversation rapidly declined. People were called rude, uncaring, the Facebook police, etc. It got bad enough, that one person even commented and told people to stop mentioning what church they attended! Seriously!

That last part broke my spirit a little. We went from an awesome picture from a really dynamic worship service which might encourage someone to go check out that church, to a series of words, insults, attitudes, and actions which would make going to church the furthest possible thing from my mind. Words, insults, attitudes, and actions... of Christians.

I think my friend said it best:

"...is an awesome place to worship - we just need to understand that with technology - we can do live webcasts, we can tweet the message power points, we can facebook and many other ways to let the message of Christ reach the world. We are in a time and place that technology will be used to enhance current and future worship services. My iPhone does not have a flash, or make a sound when it takes a pic, and you hit one button to upload. We must embrace what the world uses to stay connected, and use it to shine the light of Jesus Christ to a people and places they may not experience our worship and message. Love you all."

I think it goes to show... we can talk Jesus all we want, but what's really important is that we live Jesus if we're going to make a difference.

"He was too proud to receive free grace from God. He didn't know how to live in a system where nobody owes anybody else anything. Though he understood that God wanted nothing in return, his mind could not communicate this fact to his heart, so his life was something like torture."

-Donald Miller, "Blue Like Jazz"

Practice what you preach.

I'm a big fan of God's grace. It is one of the biggest joys of Christian living which I share with people who are asking quesions about God. I know that God's grace is abundant, sufficient, and all-encompassing. Stop and think about that for a moment. There is nothing you can do which God is not willing to forgive you for.

Complete this sentence:

God, I know that I _____________, and I pray your grace is enough.

Fill in whatever sin you have committed and God is willing and able to forgive you for it. Humbling.

I start every day of my life with the intent of living a sin-free day. I fail virtually every day.

I'm a lot of things the bible says I shouldn't be.

I am angry. I ridicule. I lust for beautiful women. I am unforgiving. I am a braggart. I am selfish. I worry. I am a glutton/overweight. I am greedy. I use foul language. Do I need to continue?

We all sin. Sin can be intentional... pre-planned if you will. I sin by not doing things I should (sins of omission). I sin unintentionally. I sin without knowing it.

For every one of these things which I am and am not, there is grace. In my heart I I know that I am forgiven when I ask to be, but at the same time I find it very difficult to think I am forgiven. The flaw of trying to rationalize God I suppose. While it is me and not God who is harboring a sense of ill will towards me and my transgressions, the end-result is the same, I feel dirty and unworthy.

I torment myself constantly for my failures. I keep these thoughts from people most of the time and appear at most times to be cool, calm, and collected. This is not reality. In the words of NHL coach Fred Shero, "I'm like a duck: calm above water, but paddling like hell underneath." There are times where my paddling makes its way to the surface, and God always steps in one way or another and sends someone to help me deal with how I'm feeling.

Recently I twittered a statement about how I really needed to begin reconciling my failures with God. In my heart, I know he has forgiven me for them. In my brain, I think I still owe him something for that grace. Is it humility or pride which makes me think there's something I can actually do to pay God back? Hey God... thanks for that whole sending your son to die for me and forgiveness of all sins thing. Here... borrow my lawn mower and we're all square this week, okay?

That's what it feels like at times. Seriously? God does not need or want anything from me. If he wanted or needed something... he'd take care of that himself. He's GOD for GOD's sake!

The last time I had a mini-meltdown and exposed how I feel, God sent a friend of mine to me via a text message of all things. An unexpected source. This is someone I rarely see or talk to, but at the same time it is someone I have a world of respect for their intelligence, kindness, and faith. The conversation went like this:

Friend: Eric. Seriously. You have not failed God. Reconciling is one thing--we are all in the process of becoming more truly human, more truly whole. But that does not imply failure. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Me: Thanks. I try to tell myself that all the time. Grace is just SO hard to wrap your head around when you screw up so majorly.

Friend: I just hate to see you be the victim of a distorted theology. God is not a hander out of grades, passing and failing. He resurrects the dead.

Me: My heart knows that. It just has a hard time convincing my brain. It's simple in theory, but it's hard to not try and rationalize God and feel deserving. I fucked up a 10-year relationship, regardless of fault. I'll accept my part in it. I've broken my son's family. How do I just accept that?

Friend: We don't just accept the brokenness in our lives. I'm not suggesting that all bridges burnt can be mended. But there is something to be said for what Jesus was known for in his time. He was, to everyone, a healer. and when we call him our own healer, that (if we take it seriously) fills our own lives.

Me: Yes, but stubborness, weakness, whatever is is just leaves a sense of feeling like maybe I screwed up too much this time. Applying human thoughts towards how God operates is a fail, but that's what I need to work out.

Friend: It's not easy. Things may not be able to return to the way they should be in our lifetime. But our actions, our love, our prayers, all draw from that one great Act of resurrection -- and anticipates our own. If Gethsemane (Eric's note: Where Jesus and his disciples prayed the night before Jesus' crucifixion. "his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground." Luke 22:43–44) is anything, we know it takes time and tears and sweat and prayers on our knees. Seek, and you will find. Christianity has a rich history of "failures"... but they never did it alone.

Me: True. "Reconcile" is probably a poor choice of words, but it's what it feels like in a way.

Friend: Reconciliation is what we are after-- with ourselves, God, and everyone around us. Not a poor choice at all.

--

God, I know that I _____________, and I thank you that your grace is enough.

"I found Jesus very disturbing, very straightforward. He wasn't diplomatic, and yet I felt like if I met Him, He would really like me. I can't explain how freeing that was. There were people He loved and people He got really mad at, and I kept identifying with the people He loved, which was really good, because they were all the broken people, the kind of people who are tired of life and want to be done with it, or they are desperate people, people who are outcasts or pagans. There were others, regular people, but He didn't play favorites at all which is miraculous in itself."

-Donald Miller, "Blue Like Jazz"

One of the things which makes it easier to accept God's grace is the fact of who His son chose to spend time with during his time here. Jesus was drawn to the broken and hurting people. Jesus called a gaggle of complete screw-ups as his disciples.

The disciples were stupid. These were the guys who were there to help Jesus and would carry on his message after he died, and they didn't understand what in the world he was talking about at times. (Matthew 15:15-16)

The disciples lacked faith. They were in a boat in a storm with the friggin' SON OF GOD, and were freaking out about some waves and liquid turbulence. Jesus woke up and essentially told them "You have no faith, chill, I got this." (Matthew 8:26)

The disciples had no commitment and one of them even sold him out to be crucified. They ran like scared dogs when Judas betrayed Jesus and brought people to arrest him. (Mark 14:48-50)

The disciples were egotistical. They spent a whole road trip having an argument about which of the 12 was the greatest disciple. Jesus then told them to be a servant to all, to put themselves last. (Mark 9:33-37)

If God can use and love people like that... then surely he can use and love someone like me.

One of my the issues I have with so many churches is the unwillingness to go out and reach the people who so desperately need God in their lives. I've been to churches which had no outreach whatsoever. They would congregate on Sundays, have board meetings on Thursdays, and talk about how financially they needed God to bring more people to the church. One of the things I've learned... is if you are truly doing the work of God in your community, then people will come to your church to learn more about Jesus. Why? Because you are living Jesus and people will want to learn more about what this life is about.

Sadly, an acquaintance of mine's girlfriend said recently that she hated my church. She said she hated all of the "publicity stunts" we do. I really want to take her to the side and get her to understand that it's not about publicity, it's not about putting our name out there, it's about Jesus.

I can't drive five minutes in any direction from any point in this town without passing a church, yet there are over 35,000 people in my community as of the last census who claimed not to have a church home. Whatever these multitude of churches have been doing in the past, it's not working. Either it's not working or the traditional outreach has touched each person who could be touched through those methods.

The time has come now to find new and unique ways to reach people and let them hear about Jesus. Reach the unreached, give them a place to feel comfortable coming to hear more about this God and what His son did for us. Get them in the doors and let God work from there.

I think the Statue of Liberty has on it one of the most beautiful statements ever: Bring me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to be free.

In more modern times, I think God is asking this: bring me your high, your drunk, your broken families, your addicts, your hurting masses yearning to be free. It's not about a publicity stunt, it's about going to the places where the people are who God has called us to put first and to serve.

As Paul said in Corinthians:

Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible... to those under the law I became like one under the law so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak

I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.

1 Corinthians 9:19-23

Footnote: The girl who hates my church. She's getting married today. They're both really good people... just hurting. I wish them the best and pray they have a long-lasting and healthy marriage filled with joy and love.

"We would eat chocolates and smoke cigarettes and read the Bible, which is the only way to do it, if you ask me. The Bible is so good with chocolate. I always thought the Bible was more of a salad thing, you know, but it isn't. It is a chocolate thing."

-Donald Miller, "Blue Like Jazz"

Sadly, one of the reasons many people are opposed to church and Christianity is because of The Bible. Well, not so much because of the bible, but because of how it is presented to them and/or used against them.

I still remember the first time I decided to purchase a bible. I didn't know there were different versions of it! Great, but what on Earth was the difference? Nobody told me which was the right version to get! I decided to go with a King James Version (KJV) Bible... I'd definitely seen this, so it seemed like a reasonable idea at the time.

Let's take a look at a very well-known bible verse, John 3:16 as it appears in the KJV:

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

Awesome. Great concept. But, I was 16... "begotten? believeth?", this was more like Shakespeare than God's word. How could I get excited about a God who talks to me like He's speaking from the stage at The Globe? Now, I know there are some "religions" (see previous blog post) which will tell you I am bound to go to hell because I don't read the KJV. In fact, here's a quote I found while looking for statistics as to why people don't read their bible more:

"Because they aren't literate enough to read a real Bible (KJV) so they figure why waste their time with a fake one."

A bold statement. Made with conviction. Who wrote this? It was this guy...

"By Anonymous, at July 20, 2007 3:30 PM"

Sure, way to stand by your beliefs there, Captain Anonymous.

Let's take a look at John 3:16 in a couple of other versions of the bible:

NIV
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

THE MESSAGE
"This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn't go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person's failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him."

The concept appears to be very much the same. So, is it really important that you read a specific version of The Bible, or is it more important to find a version which A) sticks to what God's message is, B) makes sense to you, and C) you enjoy reading?

Once I found one which worked for me, I started to enjoy reading it. There was the gospels (particularly Matthew for me). Corinthians. The beatitudes & the sermon on the mount. Mind blowing stuff, all of it.

The Bible, to me, is not a weapon. It is not for beating or thumping. It is not an ancient text to be studied like the Greek mythologies. It is not propaganda.

The Bible, to me, is a history of God. It is a refuge for the hurt, lost and suffering. It is God's word. It is God's message of grace as he was obligated to give us nothing. It is a record of the life, death, and resurrection of His son, Jesus Christ.

The Bible is love. It is hope. It is kindness. It's a way to revolutionize the world if we truly live by the example which was set for us.

"The devil tries so hard to get Christians to be religious. If he can sink a man's mind into habit, he will prevent his heart from engaging God."

-Donald Miller, "Blue Like Jazz"

re-li-gion
–noun
1. a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, esp. when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and often containing a moral code governing the conduct of human affairs.
2. a specific fundamental set of beliefs and practices generally agreed upon by a number of persons or sects: the Christian religion; the Buddhist religion.
3. the body of persons adhering to a particular set of beliefs and practices: a world council of religions.
4. the practice of religious beliefs; ritual observance of faith.

I can't stand religious practices. Some of the times I've felt most disconnected from God were times I've spent in some of the churches I've attended. You get so caught up in routine and ritual that God is completely left out of the equation. There were times I'd sit there in church counting down the minutes before I could leave, and you always knew when that would be because the service lasted the exact same amount of time. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Opening song.
Greeting time. 5 minutes.
2 more songs.
Prayer.
Lord's prayer.
Call to worship.
Sermon (20-30 minutes depending on length of songs).
Prayer.
Communion.
Closing song.
Closing prayer.

1 hour and 15 minutes later... free from all this church stuff. Once, at one church, we installed a new pastor. His first couple of sermons ran a few minutes over causing people to get out 10-15 minutes later than normal and he would catch hell for it. People were more concerned about beating the Sunday afternoon crowds to lunch than worshipping God.

The religious practices were so mundane and so focused on not changing order, following established timelines, and getting to lunch... it was like falling into a trap. Which it is. One put forth by a very cunning enemy.

I was in that trap for a long time, entangled in it, and didn't even realize what had happened to me. I'd go, sing the songs, pray the prayers, time the sermon, and do it all without any emotion, joy, or reverance. I'd think more about where and with whom I'd go to lunch that day than about God sending his son to die on a cross for my sins.

Epic fail. I had to either get out of the rut or get out of the church! Unfortunately, there weren't many people who were willing to get out of the rut, so I had to get out of those churches.

I might eat a little later in the day, but spiritually I'm much fuller.